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Playoffs!

Warriors (1) v. Jazz (2)
So the "WE BELIEVE" Movement is back in full strength. After losing the two CLOSEEEE games in Salt Lake City, the Warriors came back with the YAY in the BAY. So who else missed out on Baron Davis demolishing the Utah Jazz's defense. Poster-makers all over the world must be sending B-Diddy 'Thank You' cards for keeping their business BOOMIN'. Unfortunately YouTube is being a biznatch and won't let me find the sick clip of BD busting a dunk over Utah's AK-47 . Andrei Kirilenko is a MONSTER on defense with those long pale arms... usually. Anyways... lets recap the series... so the Warriors lost the first two games by a combined score of 14 points... and won the third game by 20 points. Now if my mathematical calculations are correct, in the entire series the Warriors has outscored the Jazz by 6 (six) points.

Okay... so Baron Davis wasn't the only one having his way with the Jazz in Game 3. Stephen Jackson is a straight-up SHOOTER in both senses of the word... when he's not pulling out a gun and firing it in the parking lots of strip clubs, he's heaving a basketball and dropping down 3s. Basically after he makes it rain on the basketball court... he'd be hitting up the strip joints with his posse and making it "rain" on the lingerie-clad women from the local Gentlemen Clubs.

Now moving onto the other Western Conference series between the San Antonio Spurs and the Phoenix Suns.

San Antonio Spurs (2) v. Phoenix Suns

I think Leandro Barbosa got the sickest nickname in basketball... the Brazilian Blur. Why not LB you ask? Well... frankly speaking its just straight up lame to be nicknamed as your initials... unless your MJ ...

So after suffering the bloody nose complimentary of Tony Parker aka Mr. Eva Longoria in Game 1, Steve Nash still be sporting the bandage over the nose in Game 3. After having a dismal first half... scoring a total of 0 points with his 6 assists... the FORMER MVP (Hi Dirk!) got his mojo together and ended up with 16 pts, 11 dimes, and 8 boards.

Kurt Thomas failed this time around to guard Tim Duncan... and besides Kurt... noone on the squad can properly guard Tim Duncan. But you say... what about Amare Stoudamire?!?! Well... Amare aka BamBam aka Man CHILD is still a child compared to the MAN Tim Duncan. Maybe its his knees that makes him not want to play big-man defense...

Who else felt the bad blood between these two teams? So after the Game 1 bloody nose / bruised ego incident between Nash and Parker... we got the whole "Spurs are a dirty team" comment by Amare. What did Mr. Stoudamire mean? Do the Spurs not wash themselves after games? Are they dirty in the naughty way in which they be infested with STDs and all that good stuff?

The comment came back to bite Stoudamire in the ass when he stucked his ass out and was called for a foul on Michael Finley. What did the Spurs' home crowd chant??? Did they chant: (a) DIRTY DIRTY DIRTY or (b) Finley! Finley! Finley! ... Well over the television and according to the guys calling the game... it was (a). Then the Manu Ginobli incident. The Argentine Lefty be driving down the lane (going left of course) guarded by Raja Bell... when Shawn Marion decides to stick his hand out for some Help D ... and get a finger below Manu's left eye. Doesn't look serious... seems like Manu just got poked in the eye... one minute later... Ginobli gets up... and his eye is as black as his Spurs Away uniform. The punch by Marion's finger be a mean move... hmm... even though its an accident... now who be the dirty player?!?

Who came through to deliver the game into the Spurs' hands? Of course it'd be their franchise player Tim Duncan. Good ole' consistent Timmy brought it all... dunks, layups, finger-rolls, and his patented bank shot. Duncan has been the key component added that has allowed the Spurs to become a dominant team in the NBA. Actually... he is THE component. Before TD's arrival in Texas... the Spurs was David Robinson's team. How many rings did The Admiral win before Duncan's arrival? Here... let me count it for you... o wait... there is nothing to count... because before Timmy joined up to form the Twin Towers to bring to San Antonio the first time ever the hardware that declares they be the CHAMPS. But why don't we see kids on the basketball court screaming " I want to be Tim Duncan!" or sporting his kicks? This man is a FRANCHISE... winning 2 regular season MVP's , 3 Finals MVP, and can hold up 3 fingers each flashing some BLING for the 3 championships he's won. Unfortunately his style of play along with his calm and quiet demeanor has left little room for fanfare. Oh... and he's from the Virgin Islands... Hopefully down the line basketball junkies will come to have the full appreciation of Tim Duncan.

Round 2!

And so Round 1 of the NBA Playoffs has finally come to an end. This Saturday marked the end of the playoff run for our beloved Houston Rockets. All of China and Asians everywhere are mourning the loss.

After watching the series, I conclude that Carlos Boozer is a BEAST. Hey, so Cavs fans are still bitter about this Hairy Liar... but give Boozer a break. If he stucked with the Cavs, he'd be playing the Sidekick role to Lebron James. Worst yet, if we put Boozer as a Batman character, he wouldn't even be Robin to Lebron's Batman. He'd be like Batgirl... the big Z - man Zydrunas Ilgauskas would be Robin. So Boozer proves to all he can't be trusted, but that doesn't mean he can't play basketball.

Carlos made Yao look foolish in the series. The Rockets had noone that was able to contain him, averaging 24.6 ppg and 11.0 rpg while being guarded mostly by a 7-6 big man is impressive. I say Van Gundy 'act a fool' in not putting my favorite finger-wagging player from Congo to spice up the defensive frontline. But hey, I lack the credentials of coaching at McQuaid Jesuit High School and serving under Pitino, Pat Riley, Don Nelson, and the likes.

Prior to the start of the Rockets-Jazz series, Tracy McGrady had said its up to him to carry the team on his back through the first round of the playoffs. Well... apparently McGrady's back broke down and the Rockets broke down with it. Sure, on the stats sheet Yao and McGrady had great games... but when it came down to crunch time, Cap'n Crunch wasn't down with them Rockets. Into the waning final 2 minutes of the game (and the Rockets' season), it seemed McGrady, his back, and the team overall was just breaking down. The Jazz were in the penalty, where any and every foul would earn you a trip to the free throw line... and what does our perennial All-Star T-Mac do? He shoots... and misses, next time down the court... he dribbles here and there... goes around the screen... and shoots some more. Apparently leadership, good decision-making down the stretch, and coming through in the clutch are not attributes that McGrady has.

You ask... "But what about Yao you racist Chink?" ... as if I don't hate on my own people. Hey man... like I said.... Boozer destroyed Yao. Boozer was like the Europeans rampaging through China during the Open Door Policy of the 1900's. Instead of opium, Boozer got layups, dunks, and rebounds. Yao did bring it on the offensive end... well... he is a 7-6 big man with a shot.

Oh... and what the heck was up with Rafer Alston banking in a 3-pointer from the top of the key?!?! Okay enough talk about how the Houston Rockets lost a series they should have won... and please squash the rumors of Jeff Van Gundy quitting/resigning/getting fired. He has two key pillars on Yao and McGrady to build around, and as long as McGrady finds a way to stop choking under pressure... or bringing in someone that doesn't cook under pressure (ala "Big Shot Bob" - Robert Horry), the Rockets should find themselves going deeper in the playoffs next year.

End of the Lakers Season

As I am writing this, it seems the Lakers' Playoff run has ended. But hey... who knows the Phoenix Suns may just bust what the Golden State Warriors did last night, and allow the Lakers to end the game on a 15-0 run and squeeze out a victory in a 3-1 series. Don't worry Warriors... I still got the Bay Love for you guys and am as of now, still on the bandwagon.

Anyone else hear the lack of censorship on TNT? Kobe goes up, misses a shot, lands down and screams in his deep manly voice: "Where the fuck is the foul?" Now if I am not mistaken, dropping F-bombs on the telly puts out a hefty fine for television stations. I wonder is Kobe going to get a call from the FCC (Federal Communications Commission aka The TV Nazis) fining him for his choice of words. Hey, if Kobe can get off the hook for sexual assault, he can definitely get off the hook for his language choice.

But the way Kobe's teammates be playing this game, with the exception of Lamar "The LA Warrior" Odom, I'd be dropping F-bombs everywhere too. The Three Stooges of Smush Parker, Jordan Farmar, and Shammond Williams are unable to neither guard Steve Nash, nor run the point on offense.

Sure, Smush has the nickname the Grim Reaper playing streetball in "The Cage," just as the kids at George Washington Elementry gave me the nickname of Air Jordan. Its the mother-effing NBA , and frankly someone with as killa of a nickname as the Grim Reaper is sure not living up to his nickname.

Farmar definitely plays the best out of the three. Apparently he has a 42-inch vertical leap, but because he's half-Jewish, its against his religious beliefs to dunk the ball. Har har... just kidding... but seriously, with a 42-inch hops, why the FRUCK ain't this jigga (half-Jewish, half-black) throwing it down? Oh wait... he's only 6 feet 2 and 180 pounds. Where be the Spud Webb / Nate Robinson abilities Mr. Farmar?

This leaves Shammond Williams to be the last and the worst of the three. On offense coming down the court with the ball, he either takes ill-advised shots or miss wide open jumpers. When he does decide to pass, it often results in a turnover. The only professional accolade he has is probably being named to the 2005 FIBA All-Star game MVP. I emphasize, the FIBA Most Valuable Player, not the NBA. So you say, "Shutup Kevin, I don't see you winning any MVP awards!" But hey, with role players like Luke 'I ain't a Fluke' Walton and Ronny 'Hustle and Flow' Turiaf, they at least know their role and stays within it. This overseas MVP comes in playing as if he be wearing #24 and got an itching for Colorado white chicks.

I finish this post with one more observation. Anyone else notice Kwame Brown walking back up the court after a Lakers' basket? While the other 9 players be at the very least, jogging back up court, Kwame 'Small Hands, you know what that MEANS' Brown decides to scratch his balls while coming back up court. I am not kidding, anyone who TIVO'd the game, please watch the last 5 minutes of the 3rd quarter. His laziness/stupidity/itching caused a breakdown in the Lakers' defense, leading Lamar to commit his 5th personal foul. I wonder, was Kwame cupping his nuts thinking, "Hey, my hands aren't that small, my hairy balls fits perfectly into the palm of my hands" or something along those lines...

I am done with my '06-'07 Lakers O-BITCH-uary, my apologies to Smush, Jordan, Shammond, or Kwame if you're reading this. Kobe wouldn't be reading this shit, because he's Kobe Bryant #24 and probably got a million other better things to do.